the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
