Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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