I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
