He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
