Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
