super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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