i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
