How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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