It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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