My entire life is one complicated drinking game
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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