just come out here and I will go home with you...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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