elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
