I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
