Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
