Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
