I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
