I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
