Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
