Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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