Pappa wants mamma naked
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
