He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
