I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
