you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Hippo gnu deer
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
