Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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