she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
