i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
