Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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