I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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