In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You're like the curious george of whores
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
