I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just google imaged poop.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
