Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
