I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
