I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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