and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
