yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
