Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
