I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
