hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize