Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
