Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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