Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
