he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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