And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
