We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
where are you?
Hypothermia
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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