Your mouth is God's brothel.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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