I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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