fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
