My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
