No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
