Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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