Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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