Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
you had me at cake vodka
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
